Quick one today. Mostly because I resent the fact that we’re updating almost daily when we said we wouldn’t, so you’re getting a naff short post.
Here are some decently sized Sonic Chronicles artwork thingies for the new DS game. An extra special bonus exclusive to endoflevelboss.com is an intrusive Games Press watermark! Man, are you guys privileged.
Just a quick rant today, on a subject that has been done to death. But that’s what you come here for, right?
I’m sick of all this gore and ‘realism’ in games. I don’t want to kill people realistically; I could do that out in the street.
I want to shoot people and instead of blood, massive blue sparks fly out of them. Virtua Cop knew all about this, because it was amazing.
Virtua Cop: Proving that people are full of blue electricity, and not blood.
Golden Axe knew that when I hit someone with a sword I want them to fall to the ground and turn to stone, rather than their head fly off leaving a torso gushing blood like a hellish torrent of ketchup.
Games that should be great fun for everyone (we all like to hit and shoot stuff at birth) are now becoming adult only bloodbaths aimed at sexually frustrated adolescent boys. It’s getting tedious.
I bet the new Golden Axe will be all about ripping people’s kneecaps out and eating their faces in dramatic QTE sequences, just to help 15 year olds feel like men.
All the screens are gore-free so far, a good sign.
I hope someday the industry will stop playing to these violence obsessed nut-jobs (just put them in a room filled with meat, pump out loud rock music about feeling angry at your mum, and give them a knife to get it out of their system) and start making games for balanced, normal people. Games like Pang. Harpooning giant multicoloured balls that threaten to crush the life out of you is exactly what games should be about.
Pang: Actually the best game ever devised.
Hell, if games were still like that it might force the Daily Mail to actually write news…
Things are different in Taiwan. They don’t beat about the bush when it comes to blatantly ripping off other companies products. They’re not scared of you and they’re not scared of copyright laws. I’m pretty sure their dad is far bigger than your dad could ever hope to be too, so don’t try anything stupid.
They don’t take any shit when it comes to naming their companies either. Take ENG Electric Company, for example. They make things that use electric. No fucking about, they do what the name says. So, as you would expect, they make plugs. They also make a videogame console called the Winner, which is perfect for them because games consoles use electric too. And because they couldn’t give a rats arse about copyright infringement, it bears more than a fleeting resemblance to the Wii. And, like the Wii, it also “provides fun, interactive ways for you. Wherever there is a Television.”
There are currently 6 games available for the Winner; Basketball, Tennis, Boxing, Baseball and Bowling. And, according the site, “With [Winner Baseball], you can savor the sensation of seeing a ball fly away far off into the distance” which is something that everyone can enjoy and certainly a big plus for a baseball game.
I’m not sure where you’d be able to purchase a Winner outside of Taiwan, nor why you’d want to, but the guys below did and, I think you’ll agree, they’re all Winners. The whole lot of them.
Good lord. I wish the internet would stop talking about LittleBigPlanet (ironic, I know). It looks so nice, it looks so bleeding nice, and I can’t afford it or a PS3 to play it on. And soon everyone will be all like “Hey, Matt, you seen that LittleBigPlanet? Man, that is some good shit. I was playing it last night while you were crying yourself to sleep with a bottle of whiskey, wishing you were me.”
Bunch of wankers.
Regardless, I have some news about it, and I shall relay it to your face.
SCEA (American Sony people) have said something resembling: “Dude, like, we’re doing a limited public beta test for LittleBigPlanet in September, man, bitch.”
They aren’t sure whether it will be invitation only or something you can sign up for, but apparently the world will be informed “ahead of time”. I’m assuming the beta won’t be America only, since the game’s developed in the UK, but stranger things have happened. More info as it comes.
Source: gamesindustry.biz
Look at me, I’m being edgy and talking about indie games.
Indie developers don’t give a fuck about what you think. They punch policemen in the street. They kick children into the open mouths of bears. They probably even smoke. They’re different to you and me.
I have a friend who is one of these terrible mavericks, and between causing all this social unrest, he has developed a game called Treasure Treasure: Fortress Forage.
It’s a two player co-op platform puzzler (say that when you’re drunk), and it takes place across two screens, one for each character. You both play on the same keyboard and work together and generally be nice in order to find loads of stuff in chests. But if, like me, nobody loves you; you can play it on your own and pretend that one of your hands is a different person. It’s not like you haven’t done it before.
Personally, I love the Gameboy style visuals and music, he’s captured it well. I haven’t played much of it yet, but so far it’s very nice indeed. All I need now is someone to play it with. :’(
The people over at Bytejacker (who the chuff are they?) reviewed it in a recent show, check it out. Treasure Treasure is 3:45 in.
If you want to download the game, get your tits over to the official site.
If I had a spare 200 bells to spunk on a life-sized statue of a popular videogame character, I’m pretty sure I’d go for this;
By the looks of it, the current owner is using it as a garden feature. It’s a bit like having a 7′ gnome in a diving suit looking after the geraniums. I reckon he has the right idea though, as I believe that’s the best use for such an item.
Elsewhere on the digital carboot tat-fest that is eBay, we have some GTA4 Piswasser beer. It’s apparently ‘very rare’, as are most things on eBay, and states on the label: “Warning: May cause karaoke and domestic violence.” Which leads me to believe that it may just be re-labeled Stella. Either way, it’s ‘very rare’, so you should probably go buy it now before someone else does. And then buy the matching Rockstar shopping bag to go with it, so you don’t look like a twat carrying it around in your hand.
And once you’ve bought that, I want you to go buy this ‘RARE’ Warriors spray can and go tagging. Or draw a cock on a wall - which is something they never actually show the Warriors doing, but is clearly bullshit as the temptation to do so must have got the better of them at some point.
And once you’ve done that, you can relax until I find something else I want you to go buy.
Just been scouting about for interesting stuff (I’m getting into this blogging shite) and came across something pretty nice over at insertcredit.com.
Some people (perhaps with even more spare time than me) have made mock up screens of modern games as they would appear on the good ol’ Gameboy. Some of my favourites are below:
I dunno how some of them would play, but I’d love to find out, shame it will never be…
The original post that links to these is here, by the way.
We’re a bit late with this, but I’m posting it anyways to ensure I don’t disappoint the billions of people that read the site as their primary source of news.
GamePark Holdings, creators of the lovely GP2X, and I believe partly responsible for the GP32 (also lovely), are at it again with the strangely titled GP2X Wiz. I’m going to assume that it’ll be another “develop your own shit and distribute it for free to loads of tight people” handheld, which is great.
Should be out in time for Christmas, but will it be better than that fancy Pandora thing that’s doing similar stuff? I have no idea. Now piss off and read about it at the links below -
For those that weren’t lucky enough to play Samba De Amigo it’s first time round on the Dreamcast, you’ll be glad to know that it’s winging it’s way onto the Wii this September. It’s essentially a remake of the original with a handful of extra guff, which is in no way a bad thing! Allison Berryman, who’s apparently Community Manager at Gearbox Software, would like to tell us just what’s new in the following Samba de Amigo developer diary, which you can read after the jump.
Go on Allison; we’re listening.
Phonetically the title of this post sounds like something one of those youth gang members may say, admittedly they would have to be terribly geeky gang members that wield game controllers instead of knives, but nonetheless.
Here is what I am here to say to you today -
Look at this comparison between the Wii and Dreamcast versions of Samba de Amigo:
Dreamcast
Wii
Looking pretty nice, eh? I bet if the two consoles had a conversation, it would go something like this-
Wii: Hey Dreamcast! Check me out, I’m stealing your games and making them look better!
DC: Fuck you, Wii! At least I don’t take it up the arse! Tosser!
Man, I wish they could talk.
