Have you ever owned one of these?

If you’re a 4 year old girl, that’s fine – carry on. If you’re anything other than that, a man in his mid to late twenties for example, then that’s not fine. In fact it’s somewhat questionable and I strongly doubt we could be friends.

That is, unless you were willing to paint them to look like a character from a popular videogame. Maybe make some minature clothes for them too? Something like these, maybe?

Yeah, something like those. I might consider going for a pint with you if you did that. No promises though. And you’d have to be buying.

You can see some more of those over here, if you’re that way inclined.

Look, a video from a couple of weeks ago about Mario by animator Cory Godbey:

Very nice, well done.

Thanks for that, Cartoon Brew.

Look at this:

Some woman has done fancy tiny versions of Andrew Ryan, Sander Cohen, a Bouncer, and a Big Sister (see, I know their blumming names!)

You can see more of her business at her site.

Not only have I had time to play games, but I’ve actually been on the Wii recently. Not for New Super Mario Bros. Wii (which I still want to pick up) or the clearly excellent Sin & Punishment 2 (which I still want to pick up), but for Muscle March, that game about body builders running forward.

It’s isn’t clever or lengthy, but it is brightly coloured and ridiculous and £3.50. It has running bits where you have to pretend to run like in all of those other Wii games designed to make you look like a complete bollock, which brings with it the intense tendon pain in both arms that I had forgotten all about.

But still, it’s nice to run forward and look like a bollock sometimes.

My arms fucking hurt.

To relax, I have been on A Boy and His Blob, which is lovely, and even comes in a box. I love it when games that are good come in boxes and aren’t relegated to download services, it thrills me in ways you can’t imagine.

Consider getting that game on a disc, in a box. Amazing.

Marvellous.

Teefury have a Sonic t-shirt on today, but he looks like this:

It is by a man called Jimiyo (possibly not real name). I’m not sure if it’s just a skeleton to be cool, because dead childhood friends seem to appeal to teenagers, or if it’s a comment on Sonic’s recent videogame performances. Perhaps it means “Sonic, as we knew him, is dead”.

I just don’t know, I can’t be arsed to read what they’ve written about it.

If you want to buy this for some reason (perhaps to get me to throw a plastic glass at you) you will have to do it soon, because the design is only for sale for 24 hours.

If, like me, you couldn’t give two shits, then feel free to carry on being miserable.

Also, if nobody bloody enters the competition by the end of the week I’m giving the code back. You buggers.

We have a code for that Avatar Bumper Cars game that Flying Squirrel Games made. Did you know that? No, I’ll bet you bloody didn’t.

I had forgotten.

So, if you want to get your hands on the game FOR FREE just answer this question and I’ll decide whether your answer is the tossing best or not.

If games were never invented, what the hell would you be doing with your life?

Answers can be a joke (have to be average to good in quality) or real, it’s up to you. Put them in the comments.

Personally I think I would be an alcoholic science fiction novelist with an interest in cross dressing. I would probably hang about in Soho looking sleazy and unwashed.

Avatar Bumper Cars is soon to get patched with online multiplayer, which I’m told is what all those spoilt children are into these days (seriously, invite your fucking friends around to your house, you can’t do it as much when you’re older, make the most of it), so that should make the package even more appealing to you.

Now have a trailer and piss off.

I suspect this is already one of those sodding internet memes or whatever the fuck they are called, but it’s new to me.

I was playing my GP2X Wiz on the train the other day (like the astonishingly fashionable person that I am) becoming bored of reliving my Mega Drive youth in miniature, so I decided to delve into the NES shit I had on there.

Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja sounded like the kind of game a grown man clinging to his childhood as it slowly bleeds away in his arms would enjoy, so I booted it up. I was greeted with this charming story:

And that is why games are better than films.

If you are any kind of reasonable human being you may be aware that Yakuza 3 is out on PS3 now, and it is quite probably ace. I haven’t got a PS3 and thus cannot find out, but it looks ace, and is supposed to be a bit like Shenmue, which was ace.

But did you know that the Yakuza aren’t just pretend people from SEGA games, and that they actually exist?!

I should tossing hope so. Either way, BoingBoing have a Q&A with some woman that knows stuff about the real Yakuza, and it’s quite interesting.

Have a look. It’s ace.

Hello, you wankers.

Sorry that was uncalled for.

Hello, you people.

I’m busy moving house at the moment. Moving house takes bloody ages, especially when you’re working extra hours and have a tendency to get angry enough want  to punch things that are much sturdier than you at the slightest provocation.

Karl is not moving house, but is so busy at work that he doesn’t even have time to sex text me back at the moment.

These are the semi true reasons why we are lapsing at the moment. If you came here expecting this post to be about games, then you are disappointed by now I’m sure. Then again, I imagine you tend to be disappointed with our posts on a regular basis, so the sensation is probably familiar.

Since I’m here I’m going to tell you about the time I threw a glass at someone who was wearing a Sonic t-shirt.

HERE IS THE STORY:

Once, I saw a man wearing a t-shirt that may have been this one:

He was kissing his girlfriend in a laying down position, it was very rude and not appropriate for a public place. It didn’t annoy me or anything, I only noticed because of Sonic.

I was very drunk.

I had finished my drink, or found a glass with no liquid in it, I don’t remember. It was a plastic glass, but a hard one, like this:

Suddenly, I realised that if I threw that glass at that man with the Sonic t-shirt he would NEVER KNOW that it was me. There would be no repercussions at all. He was face down on his lady friend.

So I threw it at his back.

It was fucking amazing and I laughed for a very long time.

THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY.

See it was worth coming here after all, wasn’t it?

If you want to actually read about games you could always visit GamerZee, he writes things about our horrific mutual hobby, and he is a friend of ours so we’re obligated to link to him.

We’ll be “properly back” soon, we promise.

This is the sort of shite that makes it hard to want to wake up in the morning.

Thanks for that, UK:R.

Whoever the Christ is responsible for this video should be even more ashamed of themselves than we are about that time we went all experimental in a public toilet.