When we got the new look we buggered up the indie section and lost that wonderful interview I did with Craig, so here it is again, uncut, and possibly with more sex.

Craig: The Interview:

I’m going to be honest with you; this is probably going to be the greatest interview you have ever read. Genuinely. I mean, it has me in it, asking questions, and Craig, the veritable genius/god of love that brought the world Johnny Platform’s Biscuit Romp. What could be better than that? I could link you to better interviews of him conducted by semi-professional journalists, but they’re not as good, trust me.

Matt: Okay, Craig, I can call you Craig, can’t I?

Craig: Best do, I may not listen otherwise.

M: What are you wearing right now?

C: Sorry to disappoint but just a Bloc Party t-shirt and jeans. Not a battenberg-print bikini or anything.

M: Do you want to know what I’m wearing?

C: A battenberg-pring bikini? Not sure I want to know, so I’ll decline the offer for now, although if you were to email me a photo later I expect I would not have much choice but to look.

M: What is your favourite colour, and why?

C: I’m torn between coffee brown and sky blue. I think I’ll compromise and blend them together, which basically leaves grey. I’m indie so I’m allowed to do stuff like that.

M: How long did it take you to make Johnny Platform, and what made you decide to bring it to Xbox?

C: I kicked it out in about two weeks in total, it’s only a small game after all. The 360 version came about when my housemate Tom said “you should port Johnny Platform to XNA”, and I said “hmm, I could port Johnny Platform to XNA” and the next thing I knew I was porting Johnny Platform to XNA.

M: What would you say to people that haven’t bought Johnny Platform yet?

C: I would first express my surprise, then move straight onto the insults. You know, some terribly witty comments about their lack of intelligence or something. They would probably attempt a retort but I would crush it with a frighteningly good comeback.

M: Would you call them wankers?

C: OK that could work too.

M: How big of a wanker would you say these people are, roughly?

C: In some cases not that big. If you don’t own a 360 for example, I may partially excuse you. But if you’re one of them bastards who won’t buy a game just because it doesn’t have achievements, go drown yourself in mega mack please because the industry doesn’t need “gamers” like you.

M: If I were to kiss you, gently, on the mouth, what would be your initial response?

C: Hmm, well I’m sure I’d suplex you, or some other extremely masculine, manly thing.

M: How many fingers am I holding up?

C: One! In an accurate reconstruction of the Sonic 3 title screen. I know I’m right.

M: What were your main influences for Johnny Platform?

C: It started off as basically a rip off of the Alien Hominid mini game PDA Games. I did then however put some semblance of effort into making it at least a bit original.

M: When did you get into games, and at what point did you think “Dude, I right fancy doing this for a living” ?

C: I remember it was the early 90s, and my grandparents purchased for me and my brother a Commodore Amiga 600. Marvellous machine, marvellous. Had some spiffing games too! I’ve basically wanted to make games since then.

M: Go on then, what’s your favourite game? (I bet all the boys ask you that)

C: Damn, this is always tough. Favourite film would be easy. I’m gonna narrow the question down to favourite Game Boy game, using my aforementioned indie priviledges. Unfortunately it is still a toss up between Wario Land or Link’s Awakening, so that’s the best you’ll get.

M: Why did you go with a Yorkshire voice?

C: Tom is from Yorkshire so it may have been a bit unreasonable to demand a scouse accent or something. Luckily I think the Yorkshire accent suits Johnny’s no-nonsense sensibilities. A platformer he is and a platformer he’ll always be.

M: When you get paid for the game, do you think you could buy me a drink? I could do with a drink right now.

C: Hells yes. Well, maybe not the instant I get paid, but if fate crosses our paths together at some point in time after then, then we gots a deal.

M: Where next? Will you be taking Ishisoft further or will you be “selling out” to “the man”?

C: I’m selling out and getting a proper games coding job. I guess I’m not that indie after all then.

M: Can I send you pictures of me wearing lipstick and/or dresses if the mood takes me?

C: Well a dress would be preferable to a bikini, so please do.

M: Thank you for your time, Craig, and best of luck with future projects.

C: No problem my good sir! I reciprocate the good wishes back to you.

You can buy Johnny Platform here, and please feel free to visit Ishisoft’s official site, you tosser.