If I had a spare 200 bells to spunk on a life-sized statue of a popular videogame character, I’m pretty sure I’d go for this;

By the looks of it, the current owner is using it as a garden feature. It’s a bit like having a 7′ gnome in a diving suit looking after the geraniums. I reckon he has the right idea though, as I believe that’s the best use for such an item.

Elsewhere on the digital carboot tat-fest that is eBay, we have some GTA4 Piswasser beer. It’s apparently ‘very rare’, as are most things on eBay, and states on the label: “Warning: May cause karaoke and domestic violence.” Which leads me to believe that it may just be re-labeled Stella. Either way, it’s ‘very rare’, so you should probably go buy it now before someone else does. And then buy the matching Rockstar shopping bag to go with it, so you don’t look like a twat carrying it around in your hand.

And once you’ve bought that, I want you to go buy this ‘RARE’ Warriors spray can and go tagging. Or draw a cock on a wall – which is something they never actually show the Warriors doing, but is clearly bullshit as the temptation to do so must have got the better of them at some point.

And once you’ve done that, you can relax until I find something else I want you to go buy.