Look at this:

Some woman has done fancy tiny versions of Andrew Ryan, Sander Cohen, a Bouncer, and a Big Sister (see, I know their blumming names!)

You can see more of her business at her site.

If, like me, you enjoy running to the right of the screen without stopping, you might enjoy this:

I certainly did.

It’s out on WiiWare today, and costs 800 pts, which is something in the region of six English pounds. That isn’t loads of money to spend on something like this if you enjoy running to the right of the screen as much as I do.

Also, the music sounds lovely.

Also, it is called Bit.Trip Runner.

Not only have I had time to play games, but I’ve actually been on the Wii recently. Not for New Super Mario Bros. Wii (which I still want to pick up) or the clearly excellent Sin & Punishment 2 (which I still want to pick up), but for Muscle March, that game about body builders running forward.

It’s isn’t clever or lengthy, but it is brightly coloured and ridiculous and £3.50. It has running bits where you have to pretend to run like in all of those other Wii games designed to make you look like a complete bollock, which brings with it the intense tendon pain in both arms that I had forgotten all about.

But still, it’s nice to run forward and look like a bollock sometimes.

My arms fucking hurt.

To relax, I have been on A Boy and His Blob, which is lovely, and even comes in a box. I love it when games that are good come in boxes and aren’t relegated to download services, it thrills me in ways you can’t imagine.

Consider getting that game on a disc, in a box. Amazing.

Marvellous.

It’s another one of those Youtube posts that we all love so much. You’ve probably seen them elsewhere by now but it feels nice to add another redundant post to the eolb pile, so here you go.

Ilomilo:

It looks absolutely lovely, that. It doesn’t even have guns in it, which I think should be it’s marketing slogan. This is what all us old (ish) people naturally assumed games would become in the future, and not the dystopian hate filled festivals of blood that we got. We also assumed virtual reality would take off.

How wrong we were.

Marvel vs. Capcom 3:

I still think I’d prefer it in 2D but I’m just a tosser like that. If SFIV is anything to go by this will be bloody lovely, just like the others.

Toy Story 3 (stay with me):

If I was still a child or a teenager who was afraid to leave the house (someone with loads of time), I would be off my balls for that toy box mode. I’m still a bit excited about it now even though I can’t imagine doing much with it if I bought the game, I’m that imbecilic.

And there you have it, Friday video madness. Hooray!

I went and stood on the corner of my street today. Not to be a prostitute, I’m not there yet, but to watch loads of people run past at varying speeds. It was the London Marathon today, and it seemed like a good idea to watch it close up instead of sitting indoors and crying all day.

It was a good decision, because I saw this:

Yes, a man wearing shades (cool) INSIDE Sonic!

He is living my effing dreams. You go, man inside Sonic, go and win.

Okay, time to announce the winner of that ‘competition‘ we did the other day. The question was: “If games were never invented, what the hell would you be doing with your life?”

The winner is going to have to be ShinHogosha with his answer:

“I would be getting laid.

…aw, who the hell am I kidding? I’d just go through more porn and lotion. ”

He has won because his answer was honest, he used the word ‘hell’, and he used a sad face. I like all of these things. Send us your email address using the contact button at the top of the page, and we’ll send you the code. No funny stuff.

In future, no more competitions, it makes me feel like a bloody children’s tv presenter.

Thanks to all that entered.

I like it when I’m reminded that having a Wii is something to be pleased about. Today someone has been checking those game rating sites and has discovered that SEGA, creator of all things worthwhile, is going to be porting a very old arcade lightgun game to the Wii.

See, sometimes it is worth getting up in the morning.

The game in question is Gunblade NY, which is all about shooting people that may be robots (they blow up) from a helicopter in New York and causing massive spherical yet angular explosions that are  bright orange. This game is coming packaged with Gunblade LA, which I imagine is a similar thing based in Los Angeles, though I’ve never played that one.

This is the best news I’ve heard all week, and has carried on my good mood from last night after I watched Welcome to the Jungle starring The Rock. I bloodly loved it.

And it’s Friday!

Also, competition winner will be announced on Sunday. The response so far has been deplorably small, but I guess we’ll all live.

UPDATE: It doesn’t come packaged with “Gunblade LA” because that doesn’t exist, which explains why I’ve never heard of it. Apparently the other game is “LA Machineguns” which I assume is a similar type of thing. My lack of research knows no bounds.

Teefury have a Sonic t-shirt on today, but he looks like this:

It is by a man called Jimiyo (possibly not real name). I’m not sure if it’s just a skeleton to be cool, because dead childhood friends seem to appeal to teenagers, or if it’s a comment on Sonic’s recent videogame performances. Perhaps it means “Sonic, as we knew him, is dead”.

I just don’t know, I can’t be arsed to read what they’ve written about it.

If you want to buy this for some reason (perhaps to get me to throw a plastic glass at you) you will have to do it soon, because the design is only for sale for 24 hours.

If, like me, you couldn’t give two shits, then feel free to carry on being miserable.

Also, if nobody bloody enters the competition by the end of the week I’m giving the code back. You buggers.

We have a code for that Avatar Bumper Cars game that Flying Squirrel Games made. Did you know that? No, I’ll bet you bloody didn’t.

I had forgotten.

So, if you want to get your hands on the game FOR FREE just answer this question and I’ll decide whether your answer is the tossing best or not.

If games were never invented, what the hell would you be doing with your life?

Answers can be a joke (have to be average to good in quality) or real, it’s up to you. Put them in the comments.

Personally I think I would be an alcoholic science fiction novelist with an interest in cross dressing. I would probably hang about in Soho looking sleazy and unwashed.

Avatar Bumper Cars is soon to get patched with online multiplayer, which I’m told is what all those spoilt children are into these days (seriously, invite your fucking friends around to your house, you can’t do it as much when you’re older, make the most of it), so that should make the package even more appealing to you.

Now have a trailer and piss off.

I suspect this is already one of those sodding internet memes or whatever the fuck they are called, but it’s new to me.

I was playing my GP2X Wiz on the train the other day (like the astonishingly fashionable person that I am) becoming bored of reliving my Mega Drive youth in miniature, so I decided to delve into the NES shit I had on there.

Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja sounded like the kind of game a grown man clinging to his childhood as it slowly bleeds away in his arms would enjoy, so I booted it up. I was greeted with this charming story:

And that is why games are better than films.